peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
