Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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