Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
