nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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