I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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