I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
