if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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