is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
