Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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