Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
