there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
