saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
