So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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