She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize