You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
