Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
