I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's the barista slut.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
