Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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