remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i now understand why vodka
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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