I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
