he told me I talked like a deaf person
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
