rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
