i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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