Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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