Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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