i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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