Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
