my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
