how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
