My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize