I'm jealous of your bromance
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
