You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize