just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize