Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
