she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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