I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
