You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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