If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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