I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
