Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
