My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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