dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
