my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
