I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize