is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
