if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You're like the curious george of whores
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
