If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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