Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
