i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
