how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
