Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
