Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
