im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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