??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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