at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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