just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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