It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
