It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
