Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You need a sexual gate keeper
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
