Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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