I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
