i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
