for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
