dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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