Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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