I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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