How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
