I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
