Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you still have your period?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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