I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
