He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
