shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
