Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
