bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
