they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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