What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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