I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the high leading the old right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
