Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
