Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want her autograph on my taint
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
