Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
