sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There r osticjed everywhere
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize