I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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