i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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