Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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