I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
