Only a mothe r could love this liver
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize