i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize