Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
