I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
