I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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