Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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