Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
