Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
