does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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