she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
