Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
