I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
