so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
