everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
