I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
